1. Confront fear. It is often difficult to address fear without fully understanding what your fears may be. This is why it is helpful to sit down and write out your fears. Make a list of not just the fears themselves, but also the complex emotions and misgivings associated with each. This will help you realize what your fears are and why you fear these things. A revelation such as this can oftentimes give the insight and understanding needed to formulate a successful plan in overcoming fear.
2. Think small. Conquering fear head-on can seem a daunting and overwhelming task. It is therefore important to focus not on the end result, but rather on small manageable goals that will allow you to defeat fear in steps you are able to take. For example, a fear of social gatherings should not be faced by attending a concert with thousands of people present. Instead, simply saying yes to the next office party or small get-together is a step in the right direction, and may even present you with some unexpected enjoyment.
3. Believe. It is important to reassure yourself that with the passage of time, you will be able to overcome your fears. Self-doubt only results in strengthening fear and anxiety, while the belief in one’s self allows goals to be reached and success to be achieved. Sometimes it is helpful to look at your past and identify a time in which the most terrible of circumstances resulted in a beautiful outcome. Focus on this and understand that at the end of darkness is always light.
4. Accept. If you experience setbacks while confronting your fears, simply accept them. Ask yourself if there was something you could have done to prevent the setback. Often, the answer to that questions is no. If something is not in your power or control, don’t dwell on it, but rather accept it for what it is. Failure to do so will inevitably result in unnecessary worry, creating further anxiety and fear.
5. Release. Holding onto a fear can sometimes make us feel safe, as if we have assumed a greater control of our lives. But this is never the case. Fear controls us and succumbing to it only weakens us, making us more likely to experience failure. That is why the final step is letting go of your fears. Realize that you have taken the steps to face your fears and congratulate yourself for doing so. Then release them to the universe and enjoy your newly found freedom, no longer restricted by the chains of fear.

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Pain is oftentimes the gateway to something better. Let the pain push you around and knock you down as many times as it takes until you can feel it again. Then feel the pain with all that you are. Let it overcome you and wash into your very core until it seems unbearable. Remember pain is what reminds us we are still alive, that we still have a chance to change, to overcome, and to conquer.

With that knowledge and understanding in mind, ask the pain to help strengthen you. Allow the pain of being at the bottom, with no further place to fall, to be the same pain that motivates you to begin your climb to the top and to overcome. You have the ability to end the pain, but only if you embrace the strength that comes with it. Find the strength that helps you to carry on, and helps you to fight your way out of darkness by guiding you toward a source of hope.

Pain tells us to slow down because we are wounded, or because we need help. Pain is an indication we must attend to ourselves and, if we are not able, we must allow others to attend to us. Allowing others to sooth our pain and comfort us when we are vulnerable is difficult and frightening. It forces us to admit we need help. But, we are not often specialists in our own pain and we must turn to those who are; those who have been there before and those who understand.

Pain gives us a means to succeed. It forces us to find a way to make it stop rather than remain trapped at the bottom, confined to its grasp. Acknowledge that the pain can show you the way out of hopelessness if you consider it your ally. Know that it can guide you to a successful recovery, to a fulfilling life, and help you find the way back home. After acknowledging its presence and succumbing to its benefits, it will slowly dissipate day by day until you realize it is gone. And in its place is love. Love for yourself, love for your accomplishments, and love for those who continued to love you despite their own pain. And in this place of love, take a moment to be still while you acknowledge and appreciate the pain for showing you the way to strength.

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Employing an attitude of gratitude is one of the best defenses against relapse.  Falling back into harmful patterns of behavior normally occurs when we stay focused on the negative thoughts.  It is seemingly impossible to be thankful and pessimistic simultaneously.  Perhaps this explains why a sponsor almost always assigns writing a gratitude list when they hear a litany of complaints.  It is difficult to be miserable when you are giving thanks for the air in your lungs, roof over your head, food in your fridge and love in your heart.

The Serenity Prayer and praying for willingness or a new perspective are excellent proposals.  “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” – Meister Eckhart.  Someone once recommended to me to say “thank you” twenty times upon waking each morning.  This affirmation did not require me to specify who to thank or what to thank for, simply to proclaim “thank you”.  Give it a try for one week and you will notice that your attitude throughout each day has improved.

No matter how we’ve tried to self-destruct, here we are – among the living.  When I consider all of the hazardous experiences that I survived during active addiction, it astonishes me that I am still alive.  Therefore, it is my belief that there must be a purpose for me to yet fulfill, as well as for each of us.  It is my current conception that sharing a message of hope for recovery is God’s main objective for me.  Each day I awake and thank God for another opportunity to accomplish this goal.

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Did you know?
In recovery, we are seeking balance in body, mind and spirit.  Maintaining positive thinking, a spirit of gratitude and reciting positive affirmations are often studied for their beneficial effects on the human body and mind.  For one, optimists cope better with stress and are more solution-oriented.

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It is not customary for a sponsor to listen to the same issues repeatedly once a solution has been proffered. Suggestions, assignments and stepwork are given and most importantly, God affords opportunities to apply spiritual principles in daily activities.  If destructive behaviors don’t change, then it is detrimental to the sponsor’s recovery to continuously be exposed to stagnant negativity.  It is necessary to recall that the sponsor is also in recovery and may need to protect their serenity.

A sponsor accepts the commitment to guide the sponsee along their journey of personal growth and change, yet it is the responsibility of the sponsee to contact their sponsor on a regular basis, take the suggestions and make every effort to apply their program in their daily activities. A sponsor does not do the work for the sponsee.  A beneficial analogy is if a parent did their child’s homework, the child is unlikely to ever learn the material.  If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.

Just as feeding our addictions was a learned practice, so living in freedom from acting out on our obsessions or compulsions can be mastered by emulating healthy behaviors of our predecessors. Awareness of our patterns is necessary to effect change. Often times we cannot see our defective character traits ourselves, but others can easily spot these long before we recognize them. Gratefully, we do not need to walk through this journey alone. Millions of people around the world are finding recovery today by the therapeutic value of one addict helping another.

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Did you know?
Both parties benefit from the sponsor-sponsee relationship.  The sponsee gains valuable resources from the experience, strength and hope that their sponsor shares.  The sponsor profits as the rewards of knowing that we have rendered a positive impact on another’s life are immeasurable.   It is suggested that we give back what was so freely given to us, because we can only keep what we have by giving it away.

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Current mistakes are not exempt from our self-condemnation.  Failing to apply spiritual principles in all of our affairs on a daily basis may generate an opening for excessive critical self-examination. For people struggling with addictive behaviors, it seems that lessons are best learned through painful experiences. The easier, softer way just doesn’t seem to have a lasting impact like practical understanding after overcoming a hardship.  Consider viewing a blunder with a different perspective, as an opportunity to learn and grow.

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We do hammer ourselves for numerous reasons, but once in recovery the justification most frequently shared is that we believe we are not progressing as quickly as we think we should.  Mentally obsessing about not yet achieving our desired results, rather than being grateful for how far we’ve already come, creates negative emotions and energy that rob us of the current moment.  We know exactly the appropriate amount of information right now.  We are the correct weight, height, age, maturity and status in this very second.   We are evolving precisely as we should.

Put down the bat and pick up the feather.  We must learn to be kind to ourselves. We deserve as much love and consideration as we offer the next person.  A strong foundation in recovery enables us to forgive ourselves, as well as others.  Tools in our recovery tool-belt allow us to take action towards our personal goals, rather than wishing we had already achieved them.  Initially, it is suggested to surrender and accept that we have an addiction.  Moreover, the ultimate surrender and acceptance is trusting that everything is exactly as it is supposed to be in each moment.

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Did you know?
It’s about the journey, not the destination.  We waste precious energy placing unnecessary pressure on ourselves while striving to reach a certain goal.  While doing this, we may miss several blessings along the way.  For example, on a drive to the beach, while the final destination is to swim in the vastness of the ocean, we may not notice the beauty in our surroundings all along the route.

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During 12 Step meetings, basic suggestions are offered.  Daily meeting attendance in the beginning builds discipline, as it is recommended to arrive 15 minutes early and stay 15 minutes late.  Another approach to convey this same message is to remind participants that a complete meeting is from opening prayer to closing prayer.  For most of us, arriving in a timely manner to any event was a rare occurrence.  Moreover, learning how to sit still for the duration of the meeting was quite the challenge.

Often heard is, “Attend 90 meetings in 90 days and if that sounds like too much, go to one meeting a day and the rest will take care of itself.”  This is a wise proposal as it will probably take some time to focus on the readings and speakers in recovery meetings.  Notwithstanding, when a commitment of ninety days is suggested, we may wince at the prospect of such a long-term obligation.  One meeting a day seems more feasible.  For me, I heard the same reading for approximately eighty days before it finally resonated with me.

The longest distance is from the head to the heart.  Even though I knew intellectually that my habits were destructive, inwardly I did not believe that change was possible.  My last “using” boyfriend had amazing insights, but his delivery immediately put everyone on the defensive.  He was perceived as a know-it-all.  The truth of his message never reached a heart because the mind first heard something negative.  In order to change someone’s mind and the direction of their actions, we must first capture the attention of their spirit.

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Did you know?
The spirit feels something the mind cannot discern.  We can “know” something intellectually, but it takes some internalizing to achieve an “inner knowing” that allows change to take place.  “ … the root cause of addiction is spiritual – that God-shaped hole, that feeling of brokenness and alienation … “

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Attempts to people please were derived from a heightened sense that I would never measure up to others’ expectations of me.  I thought if I could make others happy by behaving the way I thought they wanted me to or by attempting to buy their friendship, then they would love and accept me.  As I was unhealthy in my mannerisms, so I surrounded myself with the same type of people.

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When I adopt the mindset of love, the opposite of fear, then my surrender to a divine order in the universe is greater than my desire to control something and I am able to accept all things just as they are.  God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change … in contradiction, living in fear is worrying about things that are beyond my control.  I have come to understand that any energy spent on this negative pastime is wasted time and resource.

Along with propagating love and positive vibes out into the world, it is recommended that we learn to give ourselves the same consideration and love that we extol upon others.  One task assigned by my caring and experienced sponsor is to look in the mirror every day, look into my eyes (eyes are also referred to as the windows to the soul), and say aloud, ”I love you!”  This simple practice has enabled me to be kind to myself daily.

As self-love is achieved and practiced daily, the people who are attracted to me are like-minded.  The healthier we become, the relationships in our lives grow and develop.  Light (truth) and dark (lies) cannot exist in the same space, as darkness is defined as the absence of light.  As we continue to walk in truth, anyone hiding from truth will fall away.

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Did you know?
Matthew 6:22-23 (NIV) “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.  But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!”  It is medically proven that the eyes speak volumes about possible health issues.

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First and foremost it is imperative to abstain from acting out in the cyclical pattern of addiction.  Research every available option, whether an in-patient treatment program, out-patient clinic, therapy, 12-Step recovery meetings, sober living, rehabilitation or detox center and choose the platform that suits your needs.  After a course of action is decided upon, then proceed to the next step.

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It is suggested to focus on changing one thing at a time, beginning with the element that is causing the most unmanageability.  Once a strong foundation of recovery is established, then we will have the ability to tackle other areas of concern, such as quitting cigarettes, budgeting funds, healthy lifestyle choices, etc.   Developing the preliminary tools to recover from our initial addiction will enable us to apply the same methods to make every desired alteration.

We must become willing to do whatever it takes to recover.  Stay away from people, places and things so as not to pick up the first one.  Incorporate new healthy routines to replace the old patterns.  For instance, if your desire is to stop consuming energy drinks, replace one a day with a glass of water or fruit juice.  An important recommendation is not to judge yourself harshly or beat yourself up if at first you don’t succeed.

Recovery is a lifelong process and with willingness and effort, all things are possible. No matter what, don’t give up but keep moving forward.  Surround yourself with supportive people who are encouraging and like-minded.  Be kind to yourself and allow the progression to unfold.  Resolve to live your life free from addiction.  You are worth it!

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Did you know?
Change is always taking place, but waiting for a specific change can certainly test our patience.  In this fast-paced modern world, we are not accustomed to waiting for much.  There is fast food, speedy travel, and an internet called the “information superhighway” which places unlimited resources at our fingertips. Nevertheless, lasting change is on its own schedule.

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